Kabbalah By Heart

Do you ever feel like your own needs are a huge burden? I get that way. It disrupts my ability to take good care of myself. It also makes it hard to ask for help when I need it. This week since coming back from Israel has been one of those wake up calls to look at my patterns from childhood. I decided at 4 yrs old that my needs were a burden. Maybe I decided that even earlier.

I'm a Burden

I'm feeling better but still testing positive for COVID!!! Yes, I started feeling sick a few days after getting off that pea soup of a plane. Still, I have to accept that my needs became a burden to me and I didn't wear my mask as much as I should have on the plane. Isolating yet again has been really hard. But the awareness of the difficulty I have with my own needs is truly enlightening.

I have asked people to help me and everyone steps up and asks to help. Do you have a hard time asking for help or letting people help you? I have such a hard time with it. People literally have to invade my space in order to help me! Ha! I learned very early on that my needs were a burden. Or maybe I just assumed that from the circumstances of having a busy mom with 3 under the age of 5 while she was studying to pass the bar exam!!!!

The trip was like that too. I found myself so reluctant to take a break when I needed it. One day I literally fell down and scraped my knees because I kept pushing myself when I needed to slow down and rest. Well, covid will force you to rest.

I got on the Paxlovid. It's a wonder drug!!! I'm so grateful for it and for my getting scared enough about the diagnosis to reach out for this help. I highly recommend getting on it once you've got the positive diagnosis.

Today I'm practicing reaching out for help by asking my daughter to pick some stuff up at TJ's for me. Plus, I asked her to make me the pasta with chicken she makes. I know, safe to ask Aimee but I am making a change just by asking her. The feeling of being a burden goes so far back and it's a pattern I really want to break.

It's really my own self-care that depends on me NOT making my own needs a burden! Hope you can relate and got something out of my sharing my own challenges!

Take good care,

Allison